Mother in the Middle by Sybil Lockhart

Author:Sybil Lockhart
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Simon and Schuster
Published: 2009-07-15T00:00:00+00:00

That night after Zoë fell asleep, I told Patrick I had to go out. I was so overwhelmed by the consequences and implications, I needed space to expand, to explore my changing role in the constellation of my family. I drove into the regional park in the hills above our house to Lake Anza, a frequent summer bathing spot, and seeing no park rangers, I walked by moonlight along the footpath through the warm night until I was halfway around the lake. On a rock outcropping under the stars, I slipped off my clothes and then I stepped into the black water. With a quiet slurp, it swallowed me up.

Surfacing, I turned on my back and watched wisps of high fog run past the half-moon as though they were in a hurry to get somewhere. The agony of not knowing was over; I could move on to whatever came next. Floating there with the faint moonlight on my pregnant belly, I felt a new forlorn, soft something unfolding, and after a moment’s confusion, I recognized it as compassion. It wasn’t Ma’s fault. There was a good reason why she was acting like a stranger; she was changing, and she had no control over the changes. She had a disease. I had been so afraid of the growing separation between us, but now for the first time I was able to see it in a positive light. Now, in distancing myself enough to know the problem and confront it, I might become of service to her. I made a vow to be kind to the worried stranger who inhabited my mother’s body. I made a wish for the little life within mine. Then I swam back to shore.

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